*I really struggled with myself today and whether this was something I wanted to post. Mainly, because I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize my training with my Masters. My ultimate thought, though, is that a slave hides nothing from his Masters (being naked at home is like a metaphor, I think.) This sort of relationship is about complete intimacy and a slave should always be completely truthful and vulnerable. So, there you have it.
Slavery is hard work. But probably not in the way that most people think. It's not the domestic chores. It's certainly not the sexual service. It's not even remembering all of the rules and protocols. To me, the hardest part of being is slavery is keeping focus when doing the more monotonous activities. It's trying to quiet the mind and focus on the task while your brain is screaming that you've been doing the same thing for hours.
Every slave has obstacles that must be overcome. It is not a perfectly steep decline into enslavement. There are inevitable hurdles along the way. But, I believe after each hurdle is jumped, the hill becomes steeper. I'm coming to my first one, I think. It's a small one, but no less scary.
It's ridiculous to think about something as simple as massaging feet being the thing that breaks a slave, but we all have different things that challenge us. I adore worshipping my Masters more than anything. Really. I love being naked on the floor and rubbing Their feet. I enjoy looking up and seeing Them relax while They watch TV, allowing the slave to do its job. But somewhere between the second or third hour, the circuits in my brain start shorting out.
I start feeling useless, like I'm not accomplishing anything, when in fact, I am helping my Masters accomplish things by helping Them relax. When my brain is working overtime, I immediately fall into my self-doubt. I start to think that I'm not worthy. I feel weak. I start to wonder if maybe this is a challenge that I am failing miserably. That maybe I'm just not meant to be a slave after all. That maybe my Masters are going to see me "going through the motions" and start looking for someone who can do the job better.
I usually don't like to talk about this stuff, because like others in the lifestyle, I like to project this hot, sexy image of a lifestyle that doesn't really exist. But, I think it's important to get this stuff out in the open. A slave should always be able to tell his Masters what is on his mind. I want to be an open book. I want them to have all the tools They need to better understand my mind and use that understanding to take more control.
Does this mean I will stop trying? No. I will continue trying to learn better massage techniques. I will continue trying to control my own ego and tame my mind. Perhaps even hypnosis could help me in that regard. Either way, I guess I feel better talking it out. I think maybe by writing about it, I can coax myself over this hurdle. It might not be a graceful Olympian jump, but I'll get it over it one way or the other.
Slavery is hard work. But probably not in the way that most people think. It's not the domestic chores. It's certainly not the sexual service. It's not even remembering all of the rules and protocols. To me, the hardest part of being is slavery is keeping focus when doing the more monotonous activities. It's trying to quiet the mind and focus on the task while your brain is screaming that you've been doing the same thing for hours.
Every slave has obstacles that must be overcome. It is not a perfectly steep decline into enslavement. There are inevitable hurdles along the way. But, I believe after each hurdle is jumped, the hill becomes steeper. I'm coming to my first one, I think. It's a small one, but no less scary.
It's ridiculous to think about something as simple as massaging feet being the thing that breaks a slave, but we all have different things that challenge us. I adore worshipping my Masters more than anything. Really. I love being naked on the floor and rubbing Their feet. I enjoy looking up and seeing Them relax while They watch TV, allowing the slave to do its job. But somewhere between the second or third hour, the circuits in my brain start shorting out.
I start feeling useless, like I'm not accomplishing anything, when in fact, I am helping my Masters accomplish things by helping Them relax. When my brain is working overtime, I immediately fall into my self-doubt. I start to think that I'm not worthy. I feel weak. I start to wonder if maybe this is a challenge that I am failing miserably. That maybe I'm just not meant to be a slave after all. That maybe my Masters are going to see me "going through the motions" and start looking for someone who can do the job better.
I usually don't like to talk about this stuff, because like others in the lifestyle, I like to project this hot, sexy image of a lifestyle that doesn't really exist. But, I think it's important to get this stuff out in the open. A slave should always be able to tell his Masters what is on his mind. I want to be an open book. I want them to have all the tools They need to better understand my mind and use that understanding to take more control.
Does this mean I will stop trying? No. I will continue trying to learn better massage techniques. I will continue trying to control my own ego and tame my mind. Perhaps even hypnosis could help me in that regard. Either way, I guess I feel better talking it out. I think maybe by writing about it, I can coax myself over this hurdle. It might not be a graceful Olympian jump, but I'll get it over it one way or the other.
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