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Discipline

I actually haven't gotten the punishments that I have coming to me, which actually kind of worries me because I feel like they are piling up and when I finally get it, it's going to be rough. However, a lot of times I think that waiting may be worse than the actual flogging/paddling/caning.

Yes, I want my Masters to beat me. Not only does it force me to get my focus on service back, but it reminds me of my status in the hierarchy of the household. And I'm not hoping to get any sexual thrill out of this, which is where some people get confused. There are masochists who get off from pain, but I do not count myself among their number. To me, when I am crying and begging my Masters to stop, I come to a realization that I am not in control. When I am promising to never make whatever mistake I made again, I can see that I really am a slave and that I have willingly placed myself under Their control. 

However, I have to say that the best thing about being disciplined like this, is because of the alleviation of guilt and closure. I actually think this sort of thing is missing in "vanilla" relationships. When a "vanilla" couple has an argument or disagreement, it can sometimes go on forever. One gets the silent treatment. One may bring up the infraction months later. There's no real closure. However, as a slave, there is never a question as to who is wrong or right. Master is always right. And once a slave has been completely punished, it can move on. Master can put it back to work knowing that it will be working much harder now in an effort to avoid the belt/cane/flogger/paddle. Of course, many Masters use what they call "maintenance" punishments. These are punishments that happen once a week perhaps at a specific time and are used to keep the slave in the right headspace. 

Lastly, I'd like to talk about self-discipline, which I believe is one of the most important skills that a slave can develop. I'm not always near my Masters so it takes a great deal of self-discipline to follow orders and commands. I've gotten to the point, however, that disobedience isn't really an option. I feel such guilt and anxiety if I do not obey Them. This has extended to many aspects of my life. For example, when at my own place in my bedroom, I'm naked. Sometimes plugged. It makes me feel happy to still be in my "uniform" when away from Their presence. I was not told to do this, but I do it out of respect and a need to feel owned. I work out every day after work. Again, this is done away from my Masters so it would be easy to blow off. However, it doesn't even occur to me to do so. Sometimes I feel that it is all a plan of my Masters. I am so grateful to Them and in need of Their control, that it's almost like being hypnotized at all times. 

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